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Raven = The Hermit

Not much going on today. Ninsi took my car from me at lunch, since it's bigger, and she needs the room for balloons. Last night, there was football on TV for the first time since February. It was the pre-season Hall of Fame Game, so it was little of importance, but it was football. It only gets better from here on out. I believe the first NFL game is the 9th of September. College will start before that. Grats to Bunny on the new job. She's been in Kato mode way to long.

It's going to be a night of painting and coloring I think. With Ninsi at her company's quarterly meeting til late this evening, and Zero out of town, I'll have the Manor all to myself. Since I hadn't planned to have so much free time, I'll just work on some projects and do some laundry. I seem to have lost all but two pair of socks, so I may have to interrogate the dog about the many missing pair.

Read the extended entry for some Beer Troubleshooting tips...

Beer Troubleshooting


Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself chained to the bar.

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

Symptom: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Action: Cover mouth.

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch him.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, and mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves.

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song.
Fault: Beer is just right.
Action: Play air guitar.

Symptom: Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.
Fault: Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong door.
Action: Knock loudly on door to wake sleeping wife. If this fails, find hotel worker to unlock door for you.

Comments (2)

redhead:

i tried to post the webring thing to my site. i'm retarded with HTML, but i think i did it right. so activate me, mighty phlome. please. :)

Bunny has new job?

She never tells me anything!

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on August 10, 2004 3:50 PM.

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